I try to do what I can, but I’m feeling destroyed

I think there’s something wrong with me. Every night, I feel depressed. I don’t know if depressed is even the right term to describe it because I know how serious depression is. It’s definitely not sadness though. All my thoughts just overwhelm me and I find myself feeling isolated. I cried for a few minutes awhile ago. I just collapsed on my bed and cried. I don’t know why, but at the same time, I do. Does that even make sense? I can’t tell anybody how I’m feeling. They’ll just think I’m pathetic. They’ll contradict what I’m saying. I hate this. Some people fall asleep with smiles on their faces. Me? Before I sleep, I think about my flaws, my ‘friends’, my ex, everything. No, actually, I try to think about them. I end up falling asleep before my thoughts get too deep. I stay up late just so I can fall asleep more quickly as soon as I lie down. All these thoughts get in my head, but before I know it, I’m sleeping. I don’t even know if I’m making sense right now.

- A is for anonymous

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY